Be like a Tree and let the dead leaves drop.
Trauma, Massage, and Me
February 2019 I embarked on a journey that I was unsure about, but always had a deep interest in. I became a student of massage at Cortiva Institute and successfully graduated in July 2020.
My back story needs to be expressed in order to understand how I got here and where I intend to go. I ran away from New York in 2017 due to a domestic abuse marriage and found myself in Connecticut. It was peaceful, serene, with warm and friendly neighbors, and an enriched and welcoming community. It was foreign at first, as chaos and turmoil has plagued most of my life and also what I was conditioned to.
I grew up in a domestic abusive home, so self-perseverance skills and self-defense skills were my introduction in the childhood years. My first labels as a teen were “she suffers abandonment issues”, “she suffers trauma related issues”, “she has anger displacement”, “she has an anxiety disorder”, “she disassociates”.
As I aged into a young adult in my 20’s more and more labels were advised to me by several therapists I had seen over a course of years. “She has Complex PTSD”, “She has anxiety and panic”, She has OCD”, “she is hyper-vigilant”, “she has high functioning anxiety disorder”.
The labels kept growing and my relationships with people and myself kept being what wasn’t healthy for me mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I watched physical abuse as a child. I listened to verbal abuse as a child. I became a child of improper foundational functioning skills. I entered harmful relationships, I was improperly touched, I was in an abusive marriage, and I had re-triggered bouts of PTSD when 9/11 occurred and I was working blocks away from the impact. I have seen and experienced a plethora of traumas most of my life.
So, when I say I was unsure about my journey into massage school in February 2019, I truly meant it. But, I profoundly discovered my peace in chaos becoming a massage therapist.
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